When Being Too Nice Makes You a Target: A Hard Look at Fraud
Last week, I wrote:
If we lose touch with our distinctiveness, we also lose our ability to discern.
I believe this is a reason why older people are vulnerable to fraud. It’s not just about technology; it’s about how we have conditioned ourselves not to make trouble. To be polite and agreeable.
But when we downplay our instincts in favor of being “nice,” we lose the inner discernment that helps protect us. And unfortunately, scammers know that.
The Story She Almost Didn’t Tell
Recently, I had the opportunity to hear former U.S. Attorney Roger Handberg speak about elder fraud. After the event, the woman sitting next to me leaned over and quietly shared her story. She had been a victim.
She told me about a phone call she received claiming she had failed to appear for jury duty. According to the caller, an arrest warrant had been issued in her name. She had the presence of mind to ask: How do I know this is true?
She was told to hang up, and soon after, her phone rang again. This time, the caller ID displayed 'Orange County Sheriff’s Department.' It looked official. It felt urgent. And she panicked.
She paid the $2,400 they demanded.
How the Scammers Operate
Handberg confirmed that scams like this are all too common. Scammers are persistent and manipulative. Their goal is to keep you on the phone because, as long as they have your attention, they can wear you down.
He listed several common scams:
Jury Duty Scams – A false claim that you’ve missed jury duty and are now subject to arrest.
IRS Scams – Threats of arrest or penalties unless you pay taxes immediately.
Bitcoin Scams – Victims are directed to a so-called Bonding Transmission Center and told to transfer money via cryptocurrency.
Lottery Scams – “You’ve won!”—but you must first pay taxes or processing fees to claim your prize.
These scams disproportionately target older adults. And the average amount stolen? $30,000.
Why Do These Scams Work?
We were raised to be trusting.
To respect authority.
To give people the benefit of the doubt.
To not question what looks “official.”
And because many of us live alone or aren’t always in close contact with others, we may not have someone nearby to talk it through in the moment.
But discernment is a skill—and one we can reclaim.
How to Avoid Becoming a Victim
Hang up. You don’t owe anyone your time. If something feels off, it probably is. End the call immediately.
Pause. Scammers create a sense of urgency to prevent you from thinking clearly and making informed decisions. Take a breath and step away before acting.
Verify. Call the real agency using a number from their official website. Never rely on caller ID, as it can be easily faked.
Never pay with gift cards, wire transfers, or Bitcoin. No legitimate agency uses those payment methods.
Talk to someone. A second opinion from a trusted friend or family member can help you spot red flags you might miss under pressure.
If You’ve Already Been Scammed
Report it. Contact your local police, file a report with the Federal Trade Commission at www.ftc.gov, and contact the FBI through their dedicated website for this issue: https://www.ic3.gov.
Alert your bank. If money is transferred, act quickly—they may be able to help.
Speak up. Don’t let shame keep you silent. Your story might help protect someone else.
Seek support. Being scammed is emotional. It shakes your confidence. But recovery starts with connection and compassion.
We’ve spent our lives learning how to be kind, cooperative, and trusting. Those are good qualities, but they shouldn’t cost us our safety.
In this season of life, we’ve earned the right to ask questions.
To hesitate.
To say no and mean it.
To trust our instincts.
Let’s remind one another—and the generations that follow—that discernment is not rudeness. It’s wisdom.
7 Smart Tech Habits That Help Keep You Safe
1. THIS IS THE BEST TIP EVER! Create Long, Memorable Passwords: According to cybersecurity firm Hive Systems, an 18-character password with a mix of lowercase, uppercase, numbers, and symbols would take 26 quintillion years (a quintillion is 18 zeros-000000000000000000) to hack.
A simple way to create secure passwords is to use a sentence you will remember.
Example: MyDogBusterLoves2NapOnTheCoach!
2. Use Two-Factor Authentication
For email, banking, or any sensitive activity, enable 2FA. It’s one extra step (usually a code sent to your phone), but it adds powerful protection.
3. Set Up a VPN for Public Wi-Fi
If you’re checking email or shopping online at the coffee shop or airport, a VPN (Virtual Private Network) protects your information from hackers lurking on public networks.
4. Install a reliable antivirus program
Ensure your devices have antivirus and anti-malware software installed. Some good options include Norton, Bitdefender, or McAfee.
5. Keep Devices Updated
Enable automatic updates for your phone, tablet, or computer. These often include critical security patches that protect you from known threats.
6. Watch Out for Phishing Emails
If you get a message asking you to click a link or share information, pause. Look closely at the sender’s email address, and don’t click unless you’re sure.
7. Lock Your Phone and Devices
Use a PIN, fingerprint, or facial recognition. And if your device is lost or stolen, apps like “Find My iPhone” or “Find My Device” can help you erase it remotely.
It’s not about becoming a tech expert. It’s about stacking the odds in your favor. If you found these tips helpful, consider forwarding them to a friend, or better yet, sit down together and check your settings side by side.
Watch for this Thursday’s special “Mimi Hikes” edition. I'll take you on a journey through Joshua Tree National Park—ideal for anyone who loves to travel, hike, or discover beauty in unexpected places.
