Life's Seasons & Moments

In this edition, we explore experiences that shaped our perceptions of sex, parents and the unexpected ways we learned about both.

Parental Guidance? Books, Movies and Peculiar Parents

Growing up, I loved books and movies. Nancy Drew was too perfect for me, so I gravitated to the Trixie Belden mystery series. I couldn’t wait until the next volume was released. In my tween years, I graduated to Harlequin romance novels. I enjoyed their predictable formula of boy meets girl, boy is seemingly a real ass, and then, after tension and misunderstanding, they live happily ever after.

In my early teens, I discovered Sidney Sheldon’s books–-all of which, with their explicit sex scenes, were completely inappropriate. Once, my mother must have read part of one and told me it was why I hadn’t slept well the night before. Yet, she didn't take the book away. Inexplicable, but that is how I’d describe much about my mother.

Because I loved movies, I also went through a period when I read books based on movies I had seen, one of which was Jaws. Well, as you know, a movie doesn’t always tell the same story as the book. Did you know that Sheriff Brody’s wife was having an affair? The book described it well, and I thought reading the scene aloud at school to other twelve-year-olds in seventh grade would be a good idea. My audience grew, which caught the attention of one of the PE teachers. She walked over, took the book from me, and discovered what I was reading. She was young and what I would have considered cool. From what I recall. she just told me to stop sharing the book with my classmates. Like my mom, she didn’t take the book from me.

My early introduction to sex also included the movies. I recall four movies I watched with my mother. One was when I was fourteen at the base theater. Remember, Daddy was retired Air Force. Apparently, movie ratings didn’t mean much to Mama because the movie was Looking for Mr. Goodbar, starring Diane Keaton. The “R” rating was because of the sex, nudity, violence, and gore. Keaton’s character, as the country song goes, was “looking for love in all the wrong places.” Spoiler alert: she was brutally stabbed at the end by a man she picked up in a bar.

I remember the awkwardness, not necessarily about watching the movie but watching it with my mother. I wonder if her thought process was something along these lines, “Well, I paid $2.50 for the tickets, bought the Coke and popcorn, and traveled all the way to base. I’m fully committed.” Keep in mind my mother didn’t drive so we must have taken the bus. I don’t recall. And yes, I read the book after watching the movie. Books are so much better.

As I’ve already shared, Mama and Daddy were quite different. We were one of the only families in the neighborhood to have a built-in pool. It was a luxury Daddy caved into because Mama and I wanted one. He wanted to trade his Maverick in for a Ford Monte Carlo. Hot summers in Orlando meant my friends and I were in and out of the pool. When we got out, we had to cover up. As basically an only child, I got away with a lot; walking around in my bikini was, however, forbidden.

Daddy was a bit of a prude, so much so I couldn’t have the game Operation. There would be no naked men in our home despite the fact that the little guy on the game board was anatomically incomplete. I should have stripped my Ken doll in protest.

When it came to Mama and Daddy, their relationship was quite traditional. He worked in the Air Force and then for the post office, and Mama worked inside the home. However, my Dad was also an egalitarian, and although his work was blue-collar, he was an intellectual. One of his theories was that women were responsible for the earliest inventions. While the men hunted or waged war, women developed the tools to make life easier.

Mama never had “the sex talk” with me, and the closest Daddy ever came was when I asked him about our neighbors. There were at least three kids, and I thought them quite odd. The girls had to wear skirts below the knee, and the kids could rarely leave the yard. One day, I talked to Susie through the gaps in the chain link fence about my favorite band, K.C. and the Sunshine Band. Susie said they were not allowed to listen to them. I may not have had an Operation game, but I had every one of Harry Wayne Casey’s albums.

It seemed ludicrous, so I asked Daddy why they couldn’t listen to “That’s the Way, ah huh ah huh, I like it.” Daddy stumbled through his explanation. He said that song lyrics could mean different things to different people. But then he went from the profound to the absurd and told me that maybe they thought the song was about someone finally relieved of their constipation. I kid you not! I’m not sure when I realized the lyrics were about sex.

He raised me to be independent and to value education. The talk in our house was always about my attending college and never about marriage. Is it ironic that I got married at 18? Actually, it's not. Daddy and Mama weren’t ones to tell me what to do–other than don’t play with games involving naked characters and never walk around half-naked.

Fast forward to my sons. They never had the game Operation, not because of any moral objection; it's just not a fun game. Yes, the boys had to wear shirts in the house. And what was I thinking when I took my twelve-year-old to see the risque musical Rent? Matty gladly waited in the car with me while my older son, husband, and mother-in-law finished watching it. No worries, Matty, like me, recovered from a parent’s questionable judgment.

Turns out, the most awkward conversations about sex aren’t the ones we have—it’s the ones we don’t.

A life written is a life shared.

Your Story Matters – Capture It Now

We all have stories—some hilarious, some awkward, and some filled with the wisdom that only comes with time. If you’ve ever thought about preserving your own life’s moments, whether for your family or just for yourself, my Seasons & Moments Life Story Courses are for you.

The first course I’m launching is Storylines. It's a 5-week online guided course designed to help you explore pivotal life experiences.

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👉 Visit Life Story Course — Crimmins Communications for details or email me at mary@crimminscommunications.com.